How to raise a child, without inflicting a single injury to him – psychological or emotional? How real it is? And what to pay attention to to reduce the “inevitable” harm to a minimum?
All health care workers are well acquainted with the ethical principle of “do not harm”. In Latin, it sounds like “Primum non nocera”. This statement is popular among those associated with the sphere of medicine or bioethics, since all medical students are taught this basic principle. The famous oath of Hippocrates (ancient Greek doctor) is also based on it.
The text in which this oath is described is written in approximately 500 BC. Doctors swore in the face of the gods to adhere to certain ethical principles in their practice. Today, doctors often give a similar oath at the end of the medical school, this is a kind of ritual of initiation into the profession. The principle of “no harm” is taught psychologists. For psychoanalysts, this means the need to make contact with your own unconscious.
It would be nice to demand such an oath from all parents. They need to be most careful, because it is they who, responsible for raising children, are potentially capable of causing them the greatest damage. The most severe psychological injuries are caused at the very early age, and sometimes even in the womb. It would seem that it is worth demanding both from parents and from everyone who is associated with raising children to strictly adhere to this principle? But is it really possible to never harm?
Typically, the most difficult cases are associated with emotional violence, since it often remains inconspicuous
Parents can harm children without understanding it themselves. They would prefer not to know that they are harmful to children, because we all want to think that we are doing the right thing. In reality, those parents who are most convinced of their innocence are most harmful to children. If they are not ready to objectively evaluate how they educate children, it is very likely that they harm them. Of course, most parents wish children all the best, but as they say, the road to hell is paved with good intentions.
Since many do not realize what harm to children, even sentences to introduce licenses for the birth of children, but such ideas meet resistance. Therefore, we will manage the means of persuasion so far.
Parents can harm the child in different ways, the most difficult cases are associated with emotional violence, since it often remains inconspicuous. All described below are examples of emotional violence.
Many parents are characterized by narcissistic features, and they rarely think about whether they are treated correctly with children. They have excuses for actions or they are completely immersed in their world and it is impossible to reach them.
Sigmund Freud had this in mind when he began to talk about the unconscious. The unconscious is not just a certain part of our mind (according to Freud, a very significant part), it can harm
both ourselves and others. The more the unconscious in us, the less we control our actions.
Schizophrenic is almost entirely in the grip of the unconscious. Father, patient with schizophrenia, almost completely loses its connection with reality. His reality is his nonsense and hallucinations, and his reality is not aware of the real reality. Such a father (and often no one knows about his illness outside the family) will cause great harm to children.
Schisophrenia patient will establish with her baby such a relationship that will not understand anyone except them two. She harms him without even thinking about it. But the pentor-shisophrenic is an extreme case on the scale of the harm done to the child. It can also evaluate what harm to clinical depression, bipolar disorder, borderline personality disorder, antisocial or obsessive-compulsive disorder. Each of these parents harms children, while being confident in their innocence and justifying their actions.
Protective mechanisms – projection, reactive education, denial – allow parents not to notice the damage that they cause to the child
Healthy parents – those who have the influence of the unconscious and, therefore, they know themselves well. Such people are less likely to harm their children and someone else. Children do not understand what they are harmful. For example, in the case of parental hyperopeca, mother is constantly near the child to protect him from any possible troubles. Mom feels loving, and the child is loved. But she harms him with a hyper -pesh, because it does not give self -confidence. Such children cannot learn how to provide themselves, they cannot show individuality and become independent.
Freud first opened the unconscious around 1900, publishing the book “Interpretation of dreams”. Then he introduced the concept of a protective mechanism – with the help of these mechanisms, we hide the truth from ourselves that we do not want to know. Projection, reactive education, denial allow parents not to notice the damage that they cause to the child.
We do not want to know that we are harmful to others, and from a very early age we begin to hide this fact from ourselves with the help of psychological defenses. By the time we become adults, these protective mechanisms become part of our personality. Unfortunately, the unconscious these days are not talked about. But while parents and humanity as a whole will not understand this phenomenon, they will continue to harm their children, and these children, in turn, will harm others in their world.